JUNE 17TH 2008

HEY THERE!

IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE IT MORE BEAUTIFUL THOUGH? A GIANT TUB OF OXYCLEAN!

HAHA, JUST KIDDING. SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO GET MY HEAD OUT OF THE JOB. THE COCAINE HELPS THAT THOUGH! SURE IT’S A LITTLE RECKLESS FOR SOMEONE WITH HEART DISEASE TO SHOVEL COKE UP THEIR NOSE, BUT BOY DO I LOVE IT! IT’S THE SECRET TO MY TRADEMARK SALES STYLE!

ONE TIME I ACCIDENTALLY MISTOOK A TUB OF OXYCLEAN FOR MY TUB OF COCAINE! HO-BOY, THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A NIGHT! SAME NIGHT MY SON WAS CONCEIVED! I LOVE THAT LITTLE RASCAL ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY NAME, AND THAT’S WHY I NAMED HIM AFTER MYSELF!

YOU KNOW WHO I DON’T LOVE THOUGH? THAT FUCKHEAD SHAMWOW SALESMAN. WHAT AN AWKWARD FUCKING GUY! IF HE WASN’T TOO BUSY GETTING BEAT UP BY HOOKERS, I’D BEAT HIM DOWN LIKE I BEAT DOWN ANYONE WHO TRIES TO RETURN THEIR ORDER OF ORANGE GLO!

ORDER NOW, AND GET AN EXTRA SUCKER-PUNCH TO THE THROAT, FREE!

THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS FLYING BACK DOWN TO SUNNY FLORIDA, AND THE PLANE’S TIRES BLEW OUT. BOY WAS I SURPRISED WHEN THAT CARRY-ON BAG NAILED ME RIGHT IN THE HEAD! THAT’S ALRIGHT THOUGH, MY BEARD SHIELDS MY HEAD FROM ANY AND ALL HARM!

HAHA!

BILLY MAYS HERE!